Swimming In The Blue

After thinking about you for two years, I saw you the other day.

Actually saw you, touched you, spoke to you face to face.

You are everything. You always were.

But now I’m untouchable.
You have morals now.

You refuse to poach me and I am frankly too tired to separate myself.

I love you. I have always loved you. I will love you until I die.

Fuck it hurts. It hurts so much.

Please dear universe, give Devin a job.

He’s driving me crazy.

PLEASE.

Puppy burrito! (Taken with instagram)

I hate to break it to you, but we are all expendable in the end.

It’s better that you discovered that now rather than later.

Life hurts and then you die. So get over it already.

I know we can’t be friends.

It will never work out that way for us.

But right now I want to be selfish.

Right now I want to pretend it’s all okay.
I want to pretend we could be close again.
I want to pretend I’m 17 again and you’re showing me double rainbows splayed across your ceiling.

I want to pretend we’re in love again…

But eventually I will have to give up and let you go.

This might hurt a lot. Fuck.

Brodie bein hood. (Taken with instagram)

I get paid to get my hair done. :3 life=winning (Taken with instagram)

I really like that we’re not “in a relationship” on Facebook.
It means a lot to me that you don’t feel a need to flaunt me at all. As flattering as that can be, and it’s not always the case, but I fucking hate that shit.
So the fact that you don’t give a fuck…
Means you really do actually. About me. Just me.

“This is it. This is all we have because there’s no promise of a future, and the past is gone forever. I’m okay with just this though. Just you.”

So I’m crazy.
Fucking mood swings.
Shit. I thought all of this was over.

Oh well. The first step is identifying the cycle right?

This is cool I just love feeling like high school me again.

Ew.

Will there ever be a time that I don’t take a backseat so music can sit up front? I should’ve learnt my lesson 10 tries ago. Musicians are married to music and you can’t be married to two people now can you? You will always choose your band over me and there is nothing I can do about that.

Maybe I should give up.
Stop trying.
It’d be so much easier to be alone,
At least then I would have an excuse for feeling so fucking lonely.